I've created an awkward situation with my professor. He's not that much older than I am, and a regular kind of guy, so much so that I've considered inviting him and his wife and kids over for dinner with my family (but then I imagined her reaction, "do we have to go to dinner with one of your students?? Jeeze!! -- although I was probably projecting my own reaction to Shaun's inquiry about whether I'd like to dine with the family of one of his co-workers). Anyway, at graduation I saw him, came over to say hello, and before I thought about what I was doing, I gave him a big hug. Not that there's anything wrong with a hug, especially in California. But it didn't go well with the fact that I was still calling him Professor R., and that although I had imagined we could be friends, we weren't. But there it was. The hug. He didn't seem to mind or seem put off by it. So I decided to just forget about it.
Unfortunately, I hadn't thought through what that hug meant with regard to future encounters. Specifically, once hugged, can one return to a handshake? Or is that like some sort of demotion in esteem. I was faced with this dilemma a couple of weeks ago when I met him for lunch to discuss my future career plans and, as it turned out, a position as his research assistant. We met, and I had a split second to decide whether to hug, hold out my hand, or just say hello and not touch at all. Because it took me a hair longer than a split second to decide, it was awkward. Then more so when I went in for the hug. Then more so as his response was of the somewhat rigid variety. (Not in the dirty way you're thinking).
You'd think that would keep me from future hugs, but it didn't. I'm in some compulsive downward spiral of awkwardness. I had to hug him goodbye that day, although I managed to do a sideways shoulder squeeze which felt a bit less intrusive. And then I met with him last night to discuss my research work and had to hug him again as I said goodbye. I think I made it less awkward by apologizing for the hug and explaining "I'm just a hugger." I'm pretty sure that made things better.
Professor R. suggested that we "meet" in the future by email. I good idea, I think. I am really glad he wrote my recommendations before the hug-a-thon began.
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3 comments:
Emily,
I hadn't been keeping up with your blog, so I just went through and read all this year's entries. I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud. It is wonderful. I'm going to see if I missed any from last year now.
love Mandy
Oh my God that is soooo funny! I was cracking up reading this - especially because I had a similar experience with James Kilbane, the Founder/Director of my old company, Grafton/maryb.ie .
I should start out by saying prior to this incident, I had spent the weekend with mom and dad up in Dublin meeting and greeting (which normally consists of a hug and air kiss) all of their friend's.
Soooo, with that said..... early one Monday morning I was upstairs in the kitchen of our office, with my back to the door, making a cup of coffee. I heard someone come into the kitchen and when I turned around I saw it was James (whom I have only met once before) and without thinking about what I was doing I exclaimed "James!!!" (like we were long lost friends) I then proceeded to spread my arms out and wrap him up in the biggest bear hug EVER... I then found my head turning as if it were in slow motion, lick and pucker my lips, and with one hand steadying his shoulder, I drew his head next to mine and landed a gigantic kiss on his cheek! Suddenly as I pulled away from his face I realized what I had done and could then see that he was in a total state of panic. His body was stiff as a board and he was looking at me sideways with an expression of sheer terror written all over his face. He then said "Hello, and what is your name?" I just nervously smiled and said "Jane, I'm the big friendly American"......
"Indeed, *Cough* Cough* " he replied and quickly left the room.
I just stood there and thought to myself that was sooooo weird. Why did I just do that? What is wrong with me?
But being me… I decided to make light of the awkward encounter, so every time I would see him from then on - I would make a crack like:
"Come here James and give Jane some sugar!" ha ha ha
I have since left the company.
Love your blog Emily. I just finished looking at the Moo video and they made me cry! Your kiddie observations are the funniest. A future best seller if you ask me.
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