Happiness

Tee Hee Hee

Today I saw a little person. He was getting into his Mini.

Lily

This morning I asked Lily how she was going to be at school today.
"Difficult."

Very Low Food Security

The USDA has decided to drop the term "hungry" from its report measuring American's access to food. Instead, people who have trouble putting food on the table (for financial reasons - not due to physical difficulties/ergonomics; e.g., short person trying to put food on a very tall table) will now be referred to as having very low food security.

I think that will clear things up.

Tiptoes

I recently purchased a stuffed animal as a gift for my new nephew, Jamie. I'm usually a giver of books, but this toy was so soft and cuddly that I couldn't resist. It happened to be a beaver wearing ballet slippers, named "Tiptoes".

Tiptoes has not yet made it into the arms of my nephew because everyone in my family likes Tiptoes so much. Unfortunately, no one refers to Tiptoes by name.

Everyone comments on it: "Wow, this beaver is so soft and squishy!"
My girls fight over it: "It's MY beaver!" "No, it's MY beaver!"
Even Gramma Susan likes it: "I'm going to grab your beaver!"

I personally can't take the commentary any more and am going to send the beaver off to Ireland post haste.

Bingo Bugle

This weekend I came across the East Bay publication, Bingo Bugle. Thirty-two news pages of pure Bingo-related items. I had no idea...

Accidents do happen...

I recently read a case concerning a member of the military who was convicted of murdering his wife. They had an argument and as she was driving away, he shot her using a sniper rifle from a distance of about 200 yards. He claimed it was an accident. Apparently, the jury didn't believe him.

More, please?

Lily was wondering why parents need to work when spending time at home with the family is the clearly better option. I tried to explain to her that parents need to work to earn money to pay for the house, etc. I liked Lily's solution to the problem:

"When you go to work, just say, 'please, may I have some more money for my house?' and then you can come home."

I don't get it

Bloomingdales opened in San Francisco this week. I only know this because I passed it on my way to school and people had lined up around a city block, waiting for the store to open. Hundreds of people. It's just another store selling shit people don't need. The shit will still be there after opening day. There will be future sales on the shit. I just don't get it. Is shopping for entertainment even more entertaining when one does it with hordes of people who storm the building en masse, like ants on a piece of turkey?

Geek Alert?

I asked Molly, my almost-eight-year-old, who she's been playing with at school.

"Andrea, but our games are getting kind of boring and she never just wants to hang out and talk. So today I talked to Clare."

"Oh, and what did you talk about?"

"Dental care."

I'll admit it, this advice will work for just about any problem.

I write the diary of a 13 year old girl for a website. Each week she asks the readers for advice. Once in a while, she gets a gem:

You can Talk to a cat about your problem then strangle it so it wont tell anybody then throw it in a lake for safe keeping just in case. Send me 100 bucks while you're at it because you got to admit that's good advice. Box face.

Jessica, age 11

Silent Scream

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

Sugar and Spice

Lily came up and gave me a snuggle and a kiss the other morning, and I told her she was a nice little girl. She responded in a sing-song, "I'm nice. But not for lo-ong."

Fall is Here

The weather changed over night. Cool air, strong breeze, warm sun set low in the sky. I love fall.

Lawn Update

It looks like my neighbor has decided to be a bit more proactive about growing his lawn. He added several additional clumps of crab grass around the new patch. I estimate that this will reduce the completion time by at least a year, maybe two.

Lawn in the 'Hood

For four years now, I have been watching my neighbor slowly grow his lawn. I laughed when I first noticed he had planted a small clump of crab grass in the center of a square of dirt on one side of his walkway. But he watered it diligently through the summers, and even ran his electric mower over that little patch every week to keep it nice and trim. Now, four years later, it has spread almost completely to the edges. By the end of next summer, he will have a solid bit of lawn.

This summer, after killing off the weeds and carefully turning the soil, he planted a single clump of crab grass on the other side of his walkway. In another five years (assuming the other side doesn't die off before then) he should have a beautiful lawn spanning the front of his home.

I've reasoned that he chose this method for economic reasons, or perhaps convenience. He could have procured the clump from a friend, or maybe from his back yard. I've never planted a lawn myself -- maybe seeds are expensive? Or hard to come by?

What I really want to know is why he didn't plant both sides at the same time. Ten years seems like an awfully long time to wait for a lawn.

Irritating Magnets

My children really like to be near me. I guess that's generally a good thing, but there are times when their insistent proximity begins to feel claustrophobic. Take for instance this summer when we went camping alongside the Consumnes river. I was sitting happily in my lawn chair, enjoying the sunshine except for the fact that Molly and Lily were fighting over my lap. Wishing for a bit of peace, I suggested they fill a big bucket with wet sand and build a castle. The girls dragged the bucket down the bank to the river, filled it with water and wet sand, and with herculean effort, dragged the bucket all the way back up the sandy bank and placed it about six inches from my right leg. Then they climbed in and started jumping, splashing mud all over me.

"Ah, Molly?"
"Yeah?"
"We have an entire beach to ourselves. Why don't you move that somewhere else."
"Oh. Sorry."

She moved it. About two feet behind me. An improvement, yes, but I don't think my point got across.

Happy Gilmore was more dumber

"'Big Daddy" is one of Adam Sandler's more smarter movies."
--Lynn, online movie reviewer

I'm back

Really.

Bidet

I've been house-sitting at my dad's beautful home. This evening, Lily learned about bidets. I had told her not to use it as a toilet because it was "a little bath." Intrigued, she snuck upstairs while I was making dinner, determined to take a little bath on her own. Her screams got me running. She had turned the faucet on full blast so the water shot straight up onto the ceiling, showering the walls and flooding the bathroom floor (sorry, Dad). I don't know much about bidet use, but I can't imagine how a human being could require (or enjoy)the potential power wash a bidet seems to offer.